I have been knowing I need to say that for some time now. Some of you have known or seen the signs long before I was willing to see them. Some of you do not know what to think. Some of you have been rocks for Melissa and me during this two year ordeal. Some of you are shocked and some even disappointed that a pastor could let his kid slip so far. I want everyone to know I am OK with what you feel. Why am I saying this now? Because our son looked in to our eyes on Wednesday and said “I am an addict and I know I need to be here in treatment” That is what mom and dad have been waiting, , crying, and praying to hear. Is it over?…absolutely not…I love that song “…This is where the healing begins…”….cuz it’s so true!
Melissa and I attended a 4 day parent seminar sponsored by our son’s treatment center and it has changed our lives. We have hope where there was despair, we have faith where there was doubt, we have strength where there was sheer exhaustion. We have our prodigal beginning the journey back home. What have we learned? Our son has a disease that is not his or our fault. We have learned that some of our behavior has enabled the disease more than disabling it. We have learned our son can recover from this disease… one day at a time. We have learned that both of us need to get ourselves healthy before we can “assist” our son in getting healthy. Most importantly we have learned that although this disease is not our son’s fault, he is responsible for his own recovery.We will be there to help and assist but also detach and let go where needed.
We attended this seminar with six sets of parents and I can honestly say I have never gotten so close to a group of people so fast ever. I truly miss everyone of these people. I have laughed, cried, listened, shared so much that I feel I have lived life with these people for years instead of a couple of days. Sometimes their story was so much my story that I thought it was kind of creepy. Other times I would hear a perspective that I never thought of and it would be like someone smacking me in my head. I ache for the mom that has had her son in treatment 7 times. I praise the mom and dad who had such a positive outlook with what they were facing despite of them both being alcoholics and now so is their daughter. I pray for our single mom’s resolve to help her son with his disease but also commits to bringing sanity and health back to her other kids.
I have been trying to figure out why did I get so close to these people so fast? It wasn’t our common back grounds or interests. It was a disease and a desperation for loved ones wanting to share openly, feel safe, and learn how live with and help overcome this nasty disease. It was a willingness to become “powerless” in order to find strength. We needed each other and to be honest if I had the choice I would want to live life where these guys live.
God has been opening my heart to something missing in my own life. I am not sure what it is so I won’t begin to suggest any “new idea”. It may be on some of your hearts as well. I do know that the church needs to function like this group and I am so happy that Hope Summit’s leadership really has this on their hearts as we begin this new year. I will post more about it when I get more of a handle on it
I do know one thing for sure… I have shared our story about our son because someone out there in my small circle of life and influence needs to know there is hope for their son or daughter. They just needed to hear someone else is going through it too.
My son is an addict…how are you doing?
Ric
I would invite your thoughts…
January 7th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Ric, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Melissa and your family. I will have to send you a link to a blog I wrote about a year ago. It is personal and I’d like to share it with you.
God bless you,
Dave
January 7th, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Ric. you are so very blessed and such a wonderful father. I really enjoyed reading your blog and what you said just rings so true. I spent 25 years of my life loving an addict, there were many ups and downs, but my spirit was released when we all went through treatment together. My addict stayed sober for a while and then sadly slipped back into his addictions. But I learned so much from being there and when I found a wonderful alanon group I slowly began to heal and get healthy myself, because you are so right in that we need to get healthy too. At my first alanon meeting I wondered how all these people who lived with addiction in their loved ones could be smiling and actually laughing. Before long I was smiling and laughing too. God Bless you and your family, the road is not always easy, but you don’t walk it alone! Great post Ric. Thank you for sharing.
January 7th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I am so very proud of both of you!!
You have received a gift of insight that many are not open to receive!
January 11th, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Hey Ric,
Go back and reread my comments on your topic “What’s the difference between a drunk and a hypocrite?”. I am glad you have found the magic of the 12 step program. Remember to keep your chin up because you have a great journey ahead of you.
You are in my prayers,
Kevin
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:57 pm
So very proud of you and your family. I lived with an addict and he received help from the docs at mayo. Unfortunately after his death my family fell apart and i dont know nor have the strength to bring my beautiful daughter and her now hubby cory barber back into my life. I miss them terribly and still am displeased with myself for falling apart after my husbands death. I just pray.